if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
