Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
