okay pat passed out under dana's car
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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