I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
