I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
