I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Drunk walkin through police station. America
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
