Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
