If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
