i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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