i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
where are my eyebrows?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
