i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
