She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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