i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
