You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
