Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
