How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
