apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
