The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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