lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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