hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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