sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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