I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
