New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
