Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
