clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
