if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
