we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You are a genius and a whore.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
