I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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