dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
