I hope mine doesn't look like that
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
