Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
