i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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