I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize
