Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
