I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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