My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
