party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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