thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
