She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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