she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
