Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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