I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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