Cold hands, warm shart.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
