You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
