my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
