i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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