My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
