at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
