Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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