Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
