BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I love having hate sex.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
